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How to Explain Adoption to an Adopted Child
There is a time and place for everything and the same goes for telling an adopted child about how they were adopted. Most young adopted children would like to hear about how they were adopted provided the environment is warm, protective and loving. Here are some aspects to consider when figuring out how to explain adoption to an adopted child.
Step 1: Start Early
The best time to start conveying the idea that your child was adopted would be when they are between 3 and 4 years of age. This is the time when the child is beginning to understand things around them. However, the manner in, which the adoption story is told needs to be customized to appeal to a three-year old child. Therefore, when considering how to explain adoption to an adopted child of that age, narrating the adoption event like a story helps a great deal.
Step 2: Keep an Open Environment
Adoptive parents are often too eager to explain the process of adoption to their adopted children. They end up buying many books on the subject and try to cover all the details about the process to the child. This kind of a scenario would only make an adopted child more distressed and tense. It is important to talk about adoption to the child in a phase-wise manner, making it appealing to their age and divulging more details as they are growing up.
Step 3: Handling Tricky Questions
Questions like why the child's own mother did not want him or her can be tricky to answer. You might require time to consider how the answer will be drafted to make it as positive as possible for the child. Try to think about this prior so that if an awkward question does present itself, the child is not left without an answer.
Step 4: Adoptive Support Groups
It helps to be a part of adoptive support groups. Attending adoptive parents' parties and taking the adopted child along to such events can help tremendously. One of the biggest concerns the adoptive child might have is feeling they are different from other children. Being a part of such parties where they see other kids who have been adopted helps inculcate a sense of belonging.
Step 5: Trying to be Perfect
Many adoptive parents place undue amount of pressure on themselves to be perfect. Hence, when their adopted child asks them a question, they are always concerned about giving out a wrong or hurtful answer. Sometimes, it is alright to admit it if there are no obvious answers to the question asked as this is all a part of the process of how to explain adoption to an adopted child.
Step 6: Questions about the Birthmother
Many adoptive parents make the mistake of stating that although the birthmother loved the child deeply, she had to give them away for adoption. This can create very negative emotional imbalances in the child in future because it equates love with detachment.
In the process of how to explain adoption to an adopted child, the child might feel hurt, angry or sad. This is inevitable and eventually signals that the child is coming to terms with the fact that they are adopted.